The Ring(s)

Last nite, I received a missed private call.

When I got home at 10.30pm the same nite, my mum told me my so-called old bf's mum called us at home. And my mum told her that I had left my old job and that my dad had gone to paradise .... ....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was bathing at 8 plus when she called my hp (again). I swear I do not know who called me as it was a private call. But somehow, I suspected it was her. Ten minutes later, she smsed me, asking me how's life and so on. I then realised that I had no choice but to reply her. And almost immediately after my reply to her, my hp rang.

It was her.

She was actually a very nice, motherly lady. However, it is not the same anymore after her son left me. I couldn't put myself to treat her as per normal, or as good as before. However, I still gave her her due respects and even gave her some money and bought her a Mother's Day cake this year, along with some other things. But, no matter what, I am still not her daughter, not her own flesh and blood.

It's a different feeling when relationships dun turn out fine, even for would-be-in-laws. She almost became my mother-in-law. I am not an ingrate but... how should I put it ?? Unhappy stuff also happened between some of her family members and myself and I do not wish to indivulge anymore updates in my life to her anymore ! Becoz I know that she will broadcast to ALL her family members and gossip about me and my mother. I dun like it. Period.
Every time she calls me, she'll ask how am I and advises me to get to know more friends. I can't imagine how she'd feel or tell her family should I have a new boyfriend. I guess I better not tell her. Mothers will surely side their own children no matter what lah. I dun want to risk being labelled as a "woman who changes heart fast". I mean, even the most good-natured person would also feel this way right ??

Or maybe, she knows that I am a very lonely gal. First of all, I had lost my soulmate and then my father. Most of my good friends have their own lives to lead as well. I dun want to rely on other people often and disrupt their lives. I have to learn to lead a hermit's life for the time being.

She also said she was sorry to hear about my late father's demise and mentioned on why I did not inform her earlier. I explained to her that, firstly, he passed away suddenly overseas and 2ndly, I did not tell many people about his death. Besides, what could the others do for me ? She could not help me much and I am troubled enuff. I didn't want to trouble her too.

Dunno why but a pang of sadness engulfed me when she spoke to me. I never felt worse whenever she called me. Perhaps she reminded me too much of D... ...

I am now a totally cursed and down-on-my-luck freak and I hate the life I am leading now. I was still managably happy 1 year plus ago..... I doubt no one except my mother would be devastated should I leave this sad, cruel world. Every day, different people die. And nobody winks an eye to that fact. If there is such a thing called "previous life" and had I been a real baddie then, I should have repaid for my sins in this life. My current life's messy and pretty bad already. Dear God, just take me and not my loved ones anymore ! Take me to repay my debts owed in my past life to atone for my sins. Dun torture me anymore and any further. I am but a helpless and lonely gal who cannot see the light out of the darkness in her deep pit ! Why is life so cruel to me at my age ??

Enough of my rambling... I think I feel slightly better, airing out my thoughts.

I am a sicko and I do not know whether I could still take anymore setbacks in my life. I may just say sayonara should any other misfortune strikes ... ...

Till then !

Yours truly,

little miss sacred