So Sorry, my darling...

Yesterday, I was still talking and choosing the perfect date for our ROM and today, we are quarrelling. All my fault actually. I was crazy... too stressed and upset about "passers-by" at this point in my life. I should not be that overly-concerned with those miscellanous crap in my life.


I was at one of the lowest points of my life this year. I am currently taking 3 modules and working full-time at a place I called my office for the past 3 years. Work life is okay but it wasn't a place I can expect to move up in my career. I wasn't satisfied with this unfair treatment in my life. But I have to be patient and wait for the right time to leave this company. Ok, fine.


Doing one of the most challenging modules in my Degree course is also an uphill task for me. But temper and impatience got the better of me....and there is goes! Shit.... and some things that should not have been said had been said ... and undone it became.


In the end, the boyfriend became my punching bag. I am so sorry....

The ones who love you usually became the ones whom got to take all the shit and scoldings. Crap and nonsense. Shoutings and screamings. Because they are the only ones who can accept and tolerate the ones they love. Sorry. I am so sorry. I never mean to shout and scold u. Never. No matter what, please do not doubt my love for u. Without you, there would be no me. No more the one that I am today. A better person than before. Except for the occasional nonsense from me....sometimes.

Please dun be angry with me again okie, darling ? I know you are also tired and stressed with your work and upcoming tests too. I promise to be your only and loving baby forever. Nothing matters more than you being by my side, loving, caring, tolerating and understanding me.

Awaiting for Freedom in November 2009

March 2007, June 2007, November 2007...
March 2008, June 2008, November 2008......
March 2009, June 2009, November 2009.......

I am now anticipating for November 2009 to arrive. November 2009 is when I embrace freedom in my social life once again. When I no longer have to juggle in between work and rush for classes, crack my "limited" brain cells for numerous 2500 words essays and mug for those dreadful exams. When I dun have to face those young brats in classes who think that mature students are old and stoopit !! Dun tell me that I am over-sensitive coz their body language was so damn obvious ok? Acts of ignorance, indifference and those farked up oh-I-am-young, intelligent-and beautiful-but-you are-old, stoopit-and ugly faces really makes my blood pressure go up high! However, I will miss some classmates whom I think should be long-time friends, for now.

November 2009 is also when I will seek a brand new job and leave my current, dead-end and no-prospects job for another, maybe better one, with my brand new degree. I am so sick of being despised, being regarded so lowly like a lowly maid in a fxxked up environment. Come on, I am not that uneducated, uncivilised or uncoth but I think I deserve better respect than this. This is really a materialistic and realistic world!

Now for something good to share. It is also the time when I will fulfill my promise to register my marriage with him. His parents will come to Singapore to meet up with my Mother and discuss on those stuff. We are in the midst of searching for a resale flat near my Mother's place. Renovation and furniture means $$$. We need to save up whatever we can now.

So for the time being, I got to put up with those bitches' nonsenses and work till I graduate and find a better job. Better job = more money perhaps??? God bless.

學警狙擊

I have just finished watching the ever exciting and ever so sad Hongkong TVB Police Drama : Emergency Unit 學警狙擊. You just have to watch it yourself to know how nice it is !

Laughing Gor Singing Theme Song from E.U. 學警狙擊 in Singapore !!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFoYfD70n5Y

學警狙擊 Emergency Unit MV
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31E4tB8NI14&feature=related

Stay Calm, for the better...

My mind is at ease lately. The bf was right; temper never gets ANYONE anywhere. I had learnt many a lessons so many times. But now, I can gladly say that I am getting more even-tempered.

It is never easy juggling between part-time studies and a full-time job. Stress is aplently and tempers do fly.

I have been so short-tempered and unwelcoming for the past few years. Life is never fair so I have decided not to brood too much about it and to make full use of my remaining time in the company. Once I graduate in a year's time and when the economy's getting better, I shall leave. Leave for greener pastures. I am so damn sick of this working life. But I guess almost everywhere's pretty much the same, unless I am the boss of the company la.

I told myself that no matter how hard the going's gonna be, I must work and keep my own keep (if possible) coz I have learnt through the hard way that nobody and nothing is indispensible in this world. Jobs and careers can end abruptly with a mistake. Friendships and marriages can break down. Family members can die and leave you behind.

What else bad had I never experienced before ?

I wanna grow old with him

I can't stop thinking that whenever something good has happened, something bad is bound to be expected soon after.

Although I am facing mountains of stress with work and exams coming up soon, I have him by my side. He is the new man in my life and we have been together for 5 months now. He is my best friend, my confidant and consultant and all is going well currently. However, I can't stop myself from thinking the worst. I am afraid that history will repeat itself again....

I just hope that he will live happily and healthily by my side and that we can have a future together till we grow old. I just hope that God will not take him away from me prematurely. I deserve my love to be with me till I am no longer around in this world right? Please....God.... please....

Bridesmaid I Shall Be

I am gonna be a bridesmaid not once but twice in a row, starting 18 Dec '08 and next January! I have never been one before and one of my China colleagues mentioned that a girl should not become a bridesmaid more than 3 times, unless she does not want to get hitch !

Is this true or just a fallacy?

Not going to wait for him no more

Classes are starting tomorrow and it will be a new location to begin our classes in. It is a refreshing change. I am so sick of the old school location even though it is nearer to my home and at a more centralised area.

I am now listening to "Every Breath You Take" by Fujita Emi. This is a very beautiful sentimental song which is also one of the sub theme songs from the Dreams Link drama series. Every time I listen to any of these theme songs, I felt so overwhelmed and emotional. The songs revealed the feelings of that of the role that the lead actor Alex Fong feel for the lead actress Zhang Jiani. The selfless love that he had for her is too much for any girl to bear. I like this actor. Not only he possess a mature and charming demeanor, he is easy on the eye as well. Cool. Suave. God!

Before I start digressing any further, all I wanna write out here is that of how I had been feeling for the past few weeks. I think I have had enough of this waiting game. I am mentally tired and exhausted of pining for him to make the first move. I am really sick of it.

He is my Secondary classmate and we have always been good friends, especially after our O Levels, during our Poly days and after graduating from Poly. We used to go out in a group with the rest of our classmates and a mutual friend of ours.

Then, shortly after, I had a boyfriend who wooed me and won my heart there after. Both of them did not like each other and it was quite obvious when both met. Unknowingly, our conversations and movie outings halted and we stopped meeting up for while. We still see each other once in a while but never just the two of us anymore. It was always with mutual friends coz my then bf did not like it.

After a few years of bliss as well as quarrels, tragedy stuck and cancer took the bf away. I was devastated coz I had always been rather attached to my ex bf who had always been there for me despite my temper and wilful character then. All of a sudden, I was alone, facing everything by myself. Less than 7 months later, my beloved father died too. The demise of a parent and another loved one was really too much for me to bear but I moved on, despite crying almost every single night in bed, thinking of whether it was that of my fault that caused my loved ones to leave me one by one.

My old time gf and he had always been there for me all this while. Not exactly him during these trying times in my life, as he had a life of his own too, in university.

Come 2006 to mid February 2008, we were back together as close friends again. Until recently, he disappeared without a trace.

I am just so fedup. Maybe he is not the guy for me. Every girl deserves to be treated better than this and to be treated like a princess by the man she likes or the guy who likes her, isn't it??