独角戏

http://flash.sunvv.com/a/119.html

The Way You Make Me Feel

http://flash.sunvv.com/a/163.html

且行且珍惜

This song floats back wonderful memories of my bestest friends in Secondary school.

I love you all, my dearest old friends :)

I am really happy when my dearest friends called me up or msned me to ask how was I or when they told me about some happy things going on in their lives.

It was then I knew I am truly happy for them.....

http://flash.sunvv.com/a/16737.html

四月天

I have an idea in my mind now. I shall use song titles to describe how I am feeling in my blog here.

It's April pretty soon, just next week.

It's that time of the year again.

It's 清明节.

我的心此刻如刀割， 很痛，很痛，痛到不行了！

我仍在一样的地方呀，我的心还在，为何你不让我梦到你呢？


四月的蓝色生死恋 ：

http://flash.sunvv.com/a/4154.html

Various thoughts......

I received a missed private call yesterday or 2 days ago, at around 1055hr. Very few people I know call me using a private number. Even if my close friends call me using their home private number, and if I was busy and did not pick up the call/s, they will sms me after that.

I suspect it was from her. His mother.

Because, Ching Ming is coming.

Because, we have to arrange to go Mandai to pay our respects to him.

Because, his uncle (her younger brother) is supposed to pick me up as he stay near me.

Because, because, because.....

I am, in fact, still glad that she called me :)

At least, she still wants me to pay my respects to him, together with her family.

Can see how her family is getting on.

Can KPO a bit.

Can talk to him in Mandai liao, because the undertaker claimed that single ladies are not supposed to go to such places alone.

Anyway, who on earth will go to those places alone ?

Yeah, usually those actresses, when acting in those Channel 8 dramas only lor....protraying a "My Sassy Girl's scene", with the lead going to her late bf's grave etc...

Funny though, the private call rang only once.

Maybe she is afraid to "disturb" me.

Maybe she thought is it not convenient to call me anymore.

Maybe she thought I have a new bf liao....

That's why she has her own reservations when calling me ??

I think so, because she is actually a very nice lady to someone who is not her own flesh and blood, coz she told me many times to "make new friends" and live life anew and "dun think too much". She must be hurting inside her. I was too immature that time, I didn't understand her.

I finally comprehen everything now.

开始董了

I will call her tomorrow evening :)


On a lighter note, I am very glad to have met a long-time blogging friend at CFC yesterday. She looks exactly what she looks in her pictures, very lovely, petite and sweet. Got a sweet voice too. Too bad guys ! She is attached liao :)

It was my first time seeing a blogging personna in real life, someone who somehow knows a bit of my life through my blog. My 2nd one will come soon next week when I meet up another sweet and sincere gal who will be coming back to Singapore from overseas where she studied. I was actually excited and full of anticipation when she finally told me that she will be coming back to Singapore ! Dunno why...... Perhaps it is because I always like welcoming friends or relatives back to Singapore after they come back from overseas. Bo liao, haha...

Shopping Spree

Today's retail therapy for me.

Purchased a dull purple top that flatters my shoulders, though it is not an off-shoulder top, 1 nice beige tube dress and 3 nice cotton tops in 3 different colours. All for SGD98.90, less than 100 bucks !

Need nice outfits for my upcoming photo shoot on Saturday :)

I am so happy :)

Oh yes ! Forgot to include this here...heehee.....

I saw Steven Lim, the 29 year-old eyebrow stylist who took part in Singapore Idol, Project SuperStar & Star Idol outside TANGS today !

Goodness !

To think that he actually smiled at me and asked me out loud whether do I speak English or Mandarin and whether am I Singaporean or not !

I dun look like a local meh ??

Hastily, I shove him with a "no, no" gesture with my right hand, gave him a very disgusted look and quickly made my way towards Far East Plaza.

I do admit that I look very dao, especially towards strangers and people I am unfamiliar with but that is not the reason why I did that to him.

I know he always approach ladies there... to do eyebrows, simply because he is an eyebrow stylist mah. Just to earn a living too.

Nothing wrong right ??

OK.

But, but, but....

This image of him doing a strip tease, right down to his undies, on national TV made me wanna puke. I mean, I do understand that he wanna grab attention by doing that on national TV with more than a million viewers viewing but that he is getting the wrong type of attention instead, and obviously still not famous but notorious, not signed up by MediaCorp and still back to square one.

Enough said.

Anyway, back to my earlier topic, to think that I was practically facing the world without much make-up and boring attire for the past 1 year. Been wearing a lot of dull coloured clothes in black or white and having the same old hairstyle.

I desperately need a BIG change !

Nice clothes really do make a gal look brighter and more presentable leh....

Been thinking of whether should I colour my whole head brown or not. But my hair is very black and I just hated it when the soot black roots grow. That's why I had not been colouring or dying my whole head for the past 2 years liao. Only did highlights.

I really can't imagne I am doing all these girlie stuff now ! Shopping, going to the gym and trying to make myself look better etc... Something I seldom did 5 years back. I am beginning to love and appreciate myself more this time round.

Hope that this signifies a good sign, that I am really heading on the right track this time.

Reflecting Back

Things are looking up, at least to me, though not very much. I am just trying my very best to love myself more.

I am going out a bit more often, doing things I always wanted to do but didn't have the chance to do so before, exposing to more things and widening my perspectives etc...

Woke up at 45 minutes past nine this morning to go K-Box singing-cum-lunch with R. The bill came up to only SGD12.48 for 2 of us ! One of the cheapest KTV sessions I had ever been to ! And I felt happier and destressed after singing most of my "troubles" away :)

I really wanted to meet up with my friends, especially the closer ones who had seen the worst and best in my life :)

Hope to be a much more positive person, eg talking and meeting people, friends and family members who love me for who I am and who cares for me and acting non-chalantly to those who dun even bother about me or what so ever.

I wanna grow my hair long, much longer coz I just realised that long hair makes even the most plainest girl attractive. Just ask any male friends you have and chances are, 8 out of ten will comment that they would prefer girls with l-o-n-g hair !! Very superficial but the world works in this way, sad to say. Gals with long, flowing hair are deem more feminine and gentle but those with short hair are so-called more toyboyish :( Unfair right !!

My friends say I think too much, way too much.

I do admit I must be crazy when people (including my relatives, old schoolmates, old classmates, colleagues & friends) asked for my marital status then.

"Widowed" was my answer !!!

Siao right ??

And some of them actually believed it coz most (of my friends, old classmates and colleagues) expected me to get hitched around that period. Bleah...

To further fool those who actually believed me on the above lie, I added that I was now a widowed mother with a daughter !!

Ha !

I will then burst out laughing, saying that my daughter is actually my ex's dog lah.

I love her very, very much. She is just like a daughter to me.

But, alas, I have not seen her since CNY more than 1.5 months ago. I miss cuddling, fussing over her and taking pictures of her. Only her. My beloved baby. Her picture is always in my handphone screen. Everyone who saw my mobile screen said that she is sooooo cuteeee and whether she is my pet. I told the not so close ones, she is my dog. The closer ones, including some of my relatives and old friends, knew that she is partially my dog, I found her but she does not stay with me. What a complicated relationship, even with the dog ! My late bloke even complained that I seemed to love and treated her better than him at times !

I miss the dog, she's mine !

She's the only dog who don't dare to bite me, dun bark at me, dun bully me, loves me, lick me (I dun like it coz she is a little smelly and her breath stinks !! hehe) and is always very happy when she sees me, even after periods of absence from her sight.

Awwwww........ being such a sweet & adorable doggie, how can I forget her right ???

Will my future bf get jealous of this dog ??

Hopefully not !!

My Driving Lessons

Time passes so fast and before I knew it, today's my number 6th Class 3A practial lesson and I am lovin' every minute of it :)

My 2 driving instructors, 1 Malay and the other Chinese, are nice, friendly and patient. My last 4 lessons are taught by the Chinese instructor. No ulterior motives ok, peeps ! He's married with a daughter and besides, he is just a person I can talk to. Just a nice, fatherly or brotherly person, like those you see in the churches or temples, hehe.

Let's call him AA.

AA only told me today, towards the end of our lesson that he thought I was just a student ! So long no sane person had ever commented that I look like a student liao !! Maybe I was dressed casually in T-shirts and jeans everytime I went for the lessons ??? Anyway, that is not to the point of what I wanted to say here.

He asked me whether am I thinking of getting a car after I obtain my license. He added that there is a cheap new car brand that costs only around SGD20-30K with COE and every month, the monthly instalment is only like SGD 200 plus with its small tank of 1-1.5 litres and petrol is gonna cost something like less than SGD200 each month ! Got such a good deal meh??

No worries, he wasn't a part time car salesman or something, just commenting that driving a car is a personal choice, a simple luxury and if I have the means to buy a car and maintaining it, go get it !

Me : Maybe not this time round bah.

AA : It can also motivate you to work harder for your money, in order to maintain a car every month.

Me : No, no, I dun want to get myself a liability when I dun think I will drive every day to work. Furthermore I work in town leh ! Think of all the ERP and whatever fees I have to pay every day !

AA : But you are a young, swinging single mah, no worries, no nothing to pay for ! A lady somemore ! Can get someone to pay for you one lah.....

Me : Me not so lucky, no one to pay for me leh.

AA : Get your bf to pay for you lor !!

Me : I have no bf now but even I have a bf, I wun necessarily get him to pay for my car ! I can pay for my own ! I dun wanna be too overly-dependent on a bf......

But then, some gals I came to know of, help to pay for their bf's car expenses leh !

What the world is coming to these days ??

Though tempted I am to purchase a small car on my own, thou shall not make an impulsive buy like this ! Buying a car is like getting a wife or having a baby ! And the wife or baby will get sick or something right ? Then need to send her to the doctor's !

Maybe when I am more financially-independent or when it has truly become a need, will I seriously think of getting my own set of wheels :)

Anyway, AA said that my driving skills are not bad leh ! My corner and zebra crossing-turnings are good ! My straight-road and brakings are ok only though -_-

Need to get the hang of driving.

The Reason - Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear

I've found out a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I've found out a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

USB spoilt

The only USB port in my 1 year old CPU is spoilt ! I cannot upload pics from my hp or digi cam via bluetooth to my PC :(

Had actually wanted to upload some pics taken recently for a change but too bad, my USB chose this time to die on me....

忍， 忍，忍

I Wanna Put a Stop to This...

Seriously, I feel that this blog is heading nowhere and I may wanna stop blogging altogether.....

Stop blogging about unhappy, angry and abusive posts, that is.

I shall blog more about lighter stuff since I am "shedding my skin" for a better tomorrow.

I think I had somehow wasted 1 year of my time, achieving nothing but indulging in self-pity and depression. Yeah, I think I also suffered from post-grief depression and cooping at home symptons. I think so only lah, not medically-proven.

First of all, I have to pull myself together, sleep earlier, eat better, groom myself and stop feeling sorry for myself. I also wanna get rid of unwanted emotional baggage.

I resolve to live a better 2006, put aside sad memories to the back of my head and look ahead. I only hope that I wun feel like crying whenever I think of them or when watching sad shows.

Really shagged

These 2 days' gym sessions are making my muscles aching ! It is a good thing though it meant that I had not been exercising for quite sometime except for the occasional jog near my home. Went through my very 1st boxercise session for 30 minutes just now ! I am tired but very happy :) I just love cardio and strenuous exercises ! I love to stretch and perspire it out !

Today, I skipped breakfast because I was rushing for work and during lunch, I had only Cantonese century egg porridge at Lau Pa Sat with my China colleague. I had no dinner before my workouts though I enjoyed a red bean popicle just before the session. Had rice with chicken, steamed green veggies and carrot soup at home . In no time, I will go from ard 48kg to 45kg :)

Happy again :)

Hurray ! I did it !! I did it at last !!

The wonders of attending a driving school and attempting the 4 e-trial tests !

I woke up at 1020hr this morning and thought I may not wanna take this test as I was not confident in passing and also lazy to wake up from my deep slumber. Luckily I did and did not waste any cab fare too ! I was late though, for the test. Arrived at the test venue at around 1150 hr and by then, almost all the candidates had already started on their test questions. Oh my ! Only God knew how harried and sweaty I looked just now, from all the half-running and half brisk walking from YCK bus interchange to SSDC (Singapore Safety Driving Centre) ! I "exercised" for a good 10-12 minutes or so !

Fortunately, I breezed through the test and emerged the 1st to pass in this test ! It was only after printing my result slip that I realised that I had completed the test in less than 10 minutes ! It may mean nothing to most people but it meant a lot to me. I am just another step towards obtaining a driving licence and one of my short-terms goals. I used to think that I need not go through all the trouble to study for the theory tests and practical tests, spend thousands just to get a stoopit piece of document as my ex-bf used to chauffer me around whenever he could. But alas, he is not longer around and I had to learn everything by myself and be independent.

Anyway, after that, I took the MRT to Orchard's California Fitness Club to look for an ex colleague, with the intention of a lunch appointment together. I was brought around the 3-storey fitness club, sauna and steam rooms etc and was especially tempted to obtain membership when my friend's manager agreed to gimme a special price for the 1 year membership. Clever she quickly led me to pay for the 3 months membership before I could say yes (although I did tell her that it is not a problem for me after she quoted the special price). In a matter of minutes, payment was done !

I came to realise that sales people love to break down big amounts to smaller amounts, so as to make the investment look small, eg they would say that you only need to spend about XX amt of dollars a month instead of 1 year's XXX dollars and immediately, at the back of the consumer's mind, the investment seems more worthwhile.

Nevertheless, I am happy to do something to upkeep my body and mind. I had been wanting to jog or go to the community gym regularly but did not feel motivated to do so. So, I think, having spent a sum of money for an upmarket gym, one will feel more motivated to exercise right ?? Hehehe. I will go for my very first Step Moves class at the Fitness Club tomorrow ! Gonna wake up early for the 1150hr class -_- But it's just a small sacrifice for a better body :)

Just see how it goes.

What is Life All About ??

To the disclamier: There may be hordes of tenses, spelling or whatever mistakes in my entries lately coz I couldn't bother to think or even go through my blog for mistakes, even though I don't really enjoy reading unedited entries myself. I just wanna pen down my thoughts immediately and that's it.

Suddenly, a pang of sadness and emotions overcame me as I pondered about what to do with my life and what is worth living my life for ?

And just this evening, my team's immediate superior announced her resignation and today would be her last day at work ! Most of us were simply speechless and still in shock, minutes after she broke this piece of news to us. I mean, how could that be, though it is a known fact that the turnover rate in my company is pretty high but not for those in the management team yah?? She said that her leaving is to further her studies in another country but I felt that it is just too abrupt. Too abrupt for all of us to accept. After all, she is the one who interviewed us, brought us to this company, nurtured us and helped us in our work.

There is a Chinese saying, "天下没有不擅之延席" and all good things have to come to an end. I hate this type of feeling, the type of feeling when you realised in your heart that you will never get to see that particular person again. I kinda experienced this type of feeling when I left Secondary School after my O Levels and it was my very 1st time having this type of sad feel,as in losing my whole bunch of dear classmates, schoolmates and teachers. Even as we were to meet up again, the feeling is never the same again, maybe coz we dun get to meet one another that much anymore, and that people do change and feelings change too ??

Whatevers !!